• How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
  • Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

  • 1. Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain

    Criticism is futile and dangerous. It can lead to resentment, defensiveness, and conflict. Instead of building bridges, it destroys the foundation of relationships.

    “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” By refraining from criticism, we open the doors to communication and collaboration. Show empathy and understanding when others make mistakes; this fosters a positive atmosphere.

  • 2. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

    People crave appreciation. A sincere compliment can change someone’s entire day. Recognizing the efforts and achievements of others builds self-esteem and strengthens relationships.

    “The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude.” Utilize the power of honest appreciation in your interactions. Be specific in your praise; it's more impactful than generic compliments.

  • 3. Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want

    To influence others, focus on their desires rather than your own. Understand what makes them tick, and align your goals accordingly. This willingness to see things from another’s perspective makes your arguments more compelling.

    “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Emphasize mutual benefits in your discussions to encourage collaboration and enthusiasm.

  • Six Ways to Make People Like You

  • 1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

    Dale Carnegie emphasizes that to win friends and influence others, one must show a true interest in the lives and experiences of others. This means actively engaging with them and demonstrating curiosity about their thoughts, feelings, and needs. When you express genuine interest, it creates a connection that others will appreciate, making them more likely to respond positively to you. An effective way to do this is to ask open-ended questions that encourage others to share their stories. Remember, people love to talk about themselves, and your attentive engagement will make them feel valued.

  • 2. Smile.

    A simple yet profound way to build rapport with others is to smile genuinely. As Carnegie points out, a smile not only makes you more approachable but also conveys warmth and friendliness. When you smile, you send a signal that you are open, positive, and ready to connect. A smile can break down barriers and instantly put people at ease. "Your smile is a messenger of your goodwill, and it can start a conversation or build a bridge where little existed before." Make it a goal to smile when you meet people; it can transform interactions.

  • 3. Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

    To foster good relationships, remembering and using a person's name is crucial. Carnegie notes that when you speak someone's name, it makes them feel recognized and valued. Implement this tip by practicing active listening, which often helps you recall names. “A name is the label that individuates a person from others. Use it wisely.” By incorporating names into conversations, you show that you acknowledge and respect the person, enhancing your connection with them.

  • 4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

    Being a good listener is one of the most effective ways to be liked by others. Carnegie explains that most people crave a sympathetic ear and appreciate when others take the time to listen to them. When engaging in a conversation, ask questions that prompt the other person to share their thoughts and experiences. “When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” This not only makes the other person feel important, but it also enriches your understanding and connection with them.

  • 5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

    Carnegie states that discussing topics that interest the other person can significantly enhance your likability. It shows that you value their perspectives and preferences. By adapting your conversation to align with their interests, you create a more enjoyable and engaging experience. “Talk about what they want to talk about, and you will find that they are much more willing to engage with you.” This strategy not only makes conversations more fluid but builds strong bonds through shared interests.

  • 6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

    To win people over, showing that you recognize and appreciate their worth is essential. Carnegie highlights that making someone feel important—when done sincerely—can significantly elevate your relationship with them. Simple gestures, words of affirmation, or recognition can have a profound impact. “The greatest gift you can give is to make someone feel important, and to do it sincerely.” Ensure that your compliments and acknowledgments are genuine so that your kindness resonates deeply and creates a lasting positive impression.
  • How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  • The Only Way to Get the Best of an Argument is to Avoid It

    Engaging in arguments often leads to stubbornness and resentment. Dale Carnegie emphasizes that the best way to 'win' is not by engaging at all. Avoiding arguments not only preserves relationships but can also lead to a more fruitful discussion later on. Remember, winning an argument doesn’t guarantee a win in the relationship.

  • Show Respect for the Other Person's Opinions

    Never tell someone, 'You're wrong.' Doing so can trigger defensiveness and hostility. Instead, acknowledge the other person's viewpoint, even if you disagree. As Carnegie puts it, 'The more you say, 'You're wrong,' the more you can expect them to be defensive and resistant.'

  • If You Are Wrong, Admit It Quickly and Emphatically

    Owning up to your mistakes fosters trust and respect. Carnegie advocates for a prompt admission of errors, as it demonstrates humility and sincerity. Acknowledging your faults can significantly defuse any tension in a discussion.

  • Begin in a Friendly Way

    The tone of a conversation can set the course for the entire discussion. Carnegie asserts that starting with warmth and friendliness creates a conducive environment for dialogue. A friendly approach encourages openness and lessens defensiveness in others.

  • Get the Other Person Saying 'Yes, Yes' Immediately

    Initiate agreements early in the conversation by establishing common ground. Carnegie suggests that getting the other to agree early on primes them for further concessions. It creates a rhythm of agreement, making them more likely to agree later.

  • Let the Other Person Do a Great Deal of the Talking

    People appreciate being heard. Allowing others to express their thoughts not only demonstrates respect but also enables you to gain valuable insights into their mindset. Carnegie emphasizes that active listening can be key to persuading others.

  • Let the Other Person Feel that the Idea is Theirs

    People are more inclined to support ideas they believe they have contributed to. Carnegie recommends framing suggestions in a way that allows the other person to take ownership. This fosters collaboration and enhances the likelihood of buy-in.

  • Try Honestly to See Things from the Other Person's Point of View

    Empathy is a powerful tool. Carnegie encourages understanding the perspectives of others, which helps in addressing their concerns effectively. By stepping into their shoes, you can tailor your arguments in a way that resonates with them.

  • Be Sympathetic with the Other Person's Ideas and Desires

    Validation goes a long way. Expressing sympathy for another's thoughts can soften opposition. Carnegie suggests using empathetic phrases such as, 'I can see why you feel that way,' which often leads to a more amicable discussion.

  • Appeal to the Nobler Motives

    Encouraging people to act on their better natures can be a persuasive approach. Carnegie emphasizes appealing to what is best in others. When you frame your requests in terms of higher ideals, it often stirs positive reactions and motivations.

  • Dramatize Your Ideas

    Presentation matters. Carnegie advises making your ideas vivid and engaging to capture attention. Dramatic examples, stories, or analogies can illustrate your points more effectively than mere facts. This engages the audience and enhances persuasion.

  • Throw Down a Challenge

    People often rise to challenges. Carnegie notes that presenting an opportunity for others to demonstrate their skills or abilities can stimulate interest and involvement. A well-placed challenge can ignite enthusiasm and competitiveness, fostering engagement in a conversation.

  • Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

  • 1. Begin with Praise and Honest Appreciation

    Starting on a positive note sets the tone for constructive feedback. When you recognize and appreciate someone's efforts, you create an atmosphere of mutual respect. This strategy encourages the person to be more receptive to suggestions or criticisms. Carnegie emphasizes, 'Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.'

  • 2. Call Attention to People's Mistakes Indirectly

    Instead of pointing out errors directly, frame your observations in a less confrontational manner. Use subtlety and tact to address mistakes to prevent defensiveness. For example, instead of saying, 'You did this wrong,' you might say, 'I wonder if there's a way to improve this aspect.'

  • 3. Talk About Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing the Other Person

    By sharing your own errors first, you humanize yourself and lessen the feelings of guilt or shame in the other person. This strategy fosters a collaborative spirit. Carnegie reminds us, 'Let’s be honest, we all make mistakes, and admitting this can be an opportunity for growth.'

  • 4. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders

    Framing requests as questions can empower others and invite collaboration. Rather than saying, 'Do it this way,' try to say, 'Would you consider doing it this way?' This technique respects the other person's autonomy and encourages them to take ownership of their actions.

  • 5. Let the Other Person Save Face

    When giving feedback, be considerate of the individual's pride. Use discretion to ensure they do not feel humiliated. If the situation has already led to embarrassment, be tactful in how you address it. Carnegie states, 'If you must criticize, do it so that the person can maintain their dignity.'

  • 6. Praise the Slightest Improvement and Praise Every Improvement

    Everyone appreciates acknowledgment. Carnegie advises being 'hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.' By celebrating even minor successes, you motivate the individual to keep striving for progress.

  • 7. Give the Other Person a Fine Reputation to Live Up To

    People are motivated by the desire to live up to the standards set for them. If you express confidence in someone's abilities, it can inspire them to rise to meet those expectations. Carnegie states, 'Accentuate the positive; encourage their strengths.'

  • 8. Use Encouragement. Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct

    When addressing issues, make it clear that improvement is achievable. This approach helps the person feel capable and supported rather than overwhelmed. Carnegie notes, 'Help others see the solution, not just the problem.'

  • 9. Make the Other Person Happy About Doing the Thing You Suggest

    Frame suggestions in a way that connects them to the individual's interests or feelings. When people see how your ideas align with their goals or desires, they are more likely to be enthusiastic about following through. Carnegie wisely advises, 'Show them how to do it yourself; they will be far more interested.'